


The Transition

by 2Iloveagoodromance_2 (orphan_account)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ben is a dick but means well, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Original Characters - Freeform, Resistance vs First Order role reversal, Rey is a badass, Sexual Tension, coming of age story, i do not own the rights to this, reylo freeform, smut in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-03 04:58:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15811857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/2Iloveagoodromance_2
Summary: My name is Rey.  This is my story.I love the feeling of passion. And peace.  I love the darkness, and the cool fire that fuels me.  I love the light, and the peace and power I feel when I heal and fight with hope in my heart.  I trust you, dear reader, with my story.  And the reasons why I am scared for my life.  I am dangerous. I am hunted. I am grey.





	1. Chapter 1

I love the feeling of passion. And peace. I love the darkness, and the cool fire that fuels me. I love the light, and the peace and power I feel when I heal and fight with hope in my heart. I trust you, dear reader, with my story. And the reasons why I am scared for my life. I am dangerous. I am hunted. I am grey. 

_______

Ugh!!" I groaned, covering my ears with my hands to block out the deafening siren. My eyes frantically surveyed the room, taking in the stark white walls, the small window overlooking the city, the door to attached small 'fresher , and the two small dressers and 2 cots; one for me and one for my roommate Rose. At first I could only hear the siren, and then ringing in my ears. The siren meant that the day had begun. Like everyday for the past three weeks since I was taken from my family to begin the Transition, 5 AM the sirens rang. Room check at 5:30; beds and clothes must be properly tidied and uniforms must be worn, neat and wrinkle free. 

I turned 18 today. So did everyone in the Transition program. Everyone in the country, after graduating high school, if they were about to turn 18 on the same day, was placed in huge skyscrapers in the capital. Here, there were great big gymnasiums, hospital wings for physical exams, and dormitories separated by gender preference. 

Three weeks ago, I was taken from my family right after graduation and flown to the capital at my parent's expense. Others had to walk or drive if they couldn't afford to fly. Rose is actually a great roommate. Kind, caring, open-minded, and hard working, she would definitely be placed in the light side force cast, and trained in the ways of the Jedi under Master Luke Skywalker's tutelage. 

A little backstory first, and then I'll explain what happened on this day. 

50 years ago, there was a Great War, and everyone who was deemed grey, or without force ability, who was a small minority (but there is no justification) in my country was murdered by the Resistance, a terrorist fringe organization who claimed that they were fighting for peace. 

Under leader Leia Organa's rule, Jedi have been given preference in modern society. They are given the best jobs, the preference for spouses, housing placement after the Transition, and basically everything else. 

Now, you're probably wondering. What in the force is the Transition. Well, you see, Leia and the Resistance, after the great Peace Change 50 years ago, needed a way to sort between light siders(Jedi) and dark siders(Sith), and they needed to prevent Grey siders and people with no force ability, from, " Wreaking havoc on a more peaceful way of life," as Leader Leia Organa states in her mission statement, repeated on the air every year at the national peace assembly following the Transition. 

The Transition is actually very simple. For three weeks prior to their 18th birthday, every 17 year old in the country trains with specialists from both sides of the force. They don't use the force or teach us to use the force. They teach us basic foot work, aerobics, and weight training. No one is judged, yet. And no one is given preference. Everyone is equal at this stage once they arrive at the capital. I know what you're thinking. Not everyone turns 18 at the same time. What does the government do?

The government is made aware by every school district of everyone's birthdays. The law states that three weeks before a person turns 18, they must attend the Transition. So it is actually just chance that my birthday was three weeks after graduation. Thank the force I didn't have to miss school. People have a hard time making up their missed classes afterwards. But the punishment for missing your transition is... unspeakable. Just like what happens when you're found out to be grey or born without force ability. 

There has been a quiet movement for the past 10 years, and 100s of children are smuggled out of the country under the pretense of vacationing with their parents. The surrounding countries provide them with sanctuary and freedom from deportation. The leaders of the movement call themselves the First Order. 

I was not so lucky. No one knows about my propensity towards grey. I have only ever shown my light side to people, even my family. I was petrified as the weeks ticked by. I'll never forget the sound of the siren on the Transition day. 

The doors beeped loudly and all the cells(rooms, sorry) beeped open all at once. 

Rose and I sprung from our beds, our eyes adjusting the blinding white light that flooded everywhere as we jumped from our beds, scrambling to make them, get dressed and showered, and cleaned up before the inspectors arrived. We had this routine down pat. Beds, floors, everything picked up, inspected each other's work, Rose fresher and then me. Looked each other over. We hugged, and then walked together to stand in front of our opened door in the hallway with the others, hands stiff by our sides, waiting silently for the inspectors. 

Because our floor consisted of only women, three women in their late 20s walked quickly down the hallway, stopping for only a few minutes, barking orders and scolding for improper dress. They checked each room on their clipboards, and moved on. It was a way of keeping order with all these teenagers, and a sort of roll-call. 

Our room was next. The three ladies said nothing to us. They walked in, surveyed, stared at us, had us turn in a circle, and check marked the clipboards under our names and room number. Then they quickly moved on to the next room. I turned my head slightly towards Rose, winking at her. She smiled slightly. We got this. 

After the roll call, our doors closed set on an electronic timer, there was a loud beep, and everyone followed behind the inspectors in 2 single file lines onto elevators in groups of 6 and went down to floor 10; the cafeteria. 

Breakfast this morning was scrambled eggs, pork sausage, home fries, bacon, pancakes, coffee, orange juice, fruit salad, and ice water and porridge. 

There were a lot of people crying. Men and women are together. They only slept separately. Two women were huddled together next to Rose, Finn, and I. One of them was crying. I tried to ignore them, I tried to enjoy what could be my last meal, but a few of her words got through as she comforted her friend; " Don't worry. You'll do fine. Maybe you're a late bloomer." I gulped, turning to stare at Rose. She'd heard as well, she grabbed my hand, and looked over at Finn, who placed a calming hand on Rose's shoulder. We sat like this until a quieter, thank the force, bell rang indicating that it was time for the tests to begin. None of us were able to enjoy our food. It was too overwhelming, with good reason. 

We walked in more of a wild group this time, Rose and Finn fighting the crowd to stay by my side. We'd all met for the first time three weeks ago, and immediately hit it off. Now I couldn't imagine life without them. Funny how trauma brings people together. 

On the darkly lit elevator, something occurred to me. I stared at Finn. I'd never actually seen him use the force. Rose I'd seen use the light side of the force for several things, but never Finn. I forced myself to look away, to stare at the back of the person in front of me. No. No, he must. It was going to be ok, right ? Maybe he's a ... late bloomer. 

I couldn't feel anything as we moved like a herd of animals off the elevator into a large gymnasium. Attached to the 2 skyscrapers, were 4 large gymnasiums, two per skyscraper. People came from all over the country, and some from different counties, to watch. About 10,000 people turn 18 every day. So 2500 per auditorium. We were told about the process the day before at our training session. We would enter and sit in a special section of the auditorium, roped off especially for us. We were told to all wear white cotton high-collar loose-fitting short-sleeved jumpsuits, with a white cotton tie. Our hair was to be out of our faces. Makeup is ok. Black specially made traditional shoes were given to use to wear. We would fight barefoot on the mat. The laced flat soled boots were to be worn off the stage. 

We would enter the ring 20 at a time. We were to bow before the masters. They would bow back and then we would sit around the edge of the mat. 

I was lucky enough to sit between Rose and Finn on the bleachers. But I probably wouldn't be in the ring with them. This might be the last time I get to see them. My heart sank. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. Looking over at them, I grabbed their hands in my own. Finn's expression was unreadable. Rose sniffled. I leaned my head on her shoulder. "It's going to be okay," I whispered, a tear escaping down my cheek. I mentally shook myself. Focus. Focus, Rey. You can do this. Your light abilities are strong. I can do this. 

Each group had 5 minutes in the ring. So each day, 10-11 hours of this went on. Anxiety turned to lethargy, and I found myself drifting off to sleep.  
" Rey!" Rose whispered harshly, nudging me awake with a jab of her elbow. "Huh?" I startled awake, looking around wildly. Rose and Finn were standing, staring down at me. It was our turn. My entire row was standing. 5 hours had already passed. It was time. 

I stood quickly, the lapse in the time it took between the whistle call and my standing to join my row as we descended the stairs onto the platform really wasn't that noticeable. Anything and everything happened at these things. All that mattered was my performance on the platform. 

The 20 of us started to walk from our seats onto the stairs. I grabbed Rose's hand quickly to give it a tight squeeze. She squeezed back. I sniffled. I was terrified. What was going to happen? 

Releasing her hand, I turned to face the back of Finn's head as we walked single file. He hadn't said anything since breakfast. I couldn't help but worry about him. My passion for my friends sang in my heart. Uh oh. Fuck, I was really hoping to be placed in the light sider cast. I tried to find my hope and peace but it was only a slight ripple. 

The lower on the steps I walked, the deeper I felt my heart fall into darkness. I had realized something that made me lose all hope I had that today would go well. Finn was going to be shot for his 'crime' or being born without force abilities. 

\--  
I felt hyperaware of my surroundings as I walked the two feet off the bottom step and ascended the 5-6 steps into the main platform. The cotton jumpsuit pulled in places and itched around my collar. The wood steps creaked and shuddered under my feet. The audience was always packed in at full capacity, and the event was traditionally televised live on all major news stations in the country every day. I couldn't make out anything now, past the bright hot spotlights, the people clustered around me, bowing their heads towards the masters, and the slight give of the thinly padded blue square mat with a large red circle in the middle that covered the entire raised stage. 

I sat down between my two friends, awaiting instruction. There would be 1 minute of organizing, and five minutes of group tests. Those who failed were shot on sight, unless they had money. Parents had to pay before the day of the Transition. Kids would then be excused from the tests, and sent home. They couldn't work, but they could marry and lead moderately normal lives. Or they would leave the country and be free, but never see their families again. $2,000,000 was the bail. 

Master Luke skywalker was the leader of the Masters on the stage, where both Sith and Jedi were represented 3 and 3; equal but distinctly apart. 

He spoke with the confidence of a mighty master ; in a booming voice aided by the force and his microphone, he said, " Now, rise and fight. We masters have been trained to see within your hearts and minds. After the test is over , we will separate you all. And those who have passed, will move onto the next stage." 

The soft smooth ding alerted us to stand. We took our places. And with the clap of Slywalker's hand, the masters attacked us one by one. 

At first, no one attacked me. I grew nervous, unsure of what I should do, when I saw one of the masters run to attack Finn. I panicked. I ran forward, leaping in front of him to stop the game attack. The master was a dark sider. In a blind rage, I pushed him with the force, and i shocked myself, literally, as lightning shot from my fingers as I pushed him. I stared down at my hands and gasped. The master stood back up after redirecting the lightning at the high ceilings, panting heavily. Although it seemed to me like everything had stopped, like time itself had stopped to watch me, no one else seemed to notice. 

" Step aside" the master growled. I bowed, at the waist, seething with rage as I started to take a step. I faltered, turning to stare at Finn before attacking the master again.  
" Enough" the master commanded, force pushing me back into a man behind me. He pushed me off onto the floor, kicking me hard in the stomach. He hadn't really meant to. But I could feel in the force that he was fueling his power with rage in the dark side. I'd simply gotten in his way. He didn't have the luxury of being able to apologize here. There was too much at stake. And we must be absolutes here. Either light or dark. In between was unthinkable in this place. The cost was too unthinkable. 

My breath was knocked out of me. My breath shuddered, I coughed and sputtered clutching my side. I sat up, and stared as Finn failed to fight against the master's force push. The master tried again. I could feel in the force that the master was trying hard to provoke him, to elicit some power from him. I was surprised at how hard the master tried. Maybe they didn't want to have people fail. Maybe there was a price to pay for being a master - having to choose if people lived or died. 

The five minutes passed quickly. We bowed, and reassembled ourselves to sit on the floor. Each master stepped forward and lifted people up off the mat onto their side. We let them. They had to move us. They didn't know our names. Only our force signatures and faces. 20 people seated near me quickly became 5 people, and I was chosen last. I can still remember the feeling of numbness as I closed my eyes and experienced weightlessness as I was lifted to sit by the young master who fought Finn and I. 

Unlike the other masters, the one who fought me only picked me. The other two dark side masters had 3-4 people seated by them. He'd only fought Finn and I, I realized, my eyes open, And I looked up to stare at him. Finn? I wildly looked around, and saw him seated before Luke in the center of the stage, sitting on his knees, his head forward. I couldn't react. My new master still held me firmly in place with the force; he would later tell me that he did this to protect me. He could feel my need to protect him. He couldn't allow me to move now. I'd be shot for interfering. 

I couldn't watch this. I shut my eyes. A single shot was fired. I cringed; I still felt too numb to cry. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't even scream because I was held in place by the force. At least I knew how to protect my thoughts. I'd learned to block them proficiently years ago. You need to, in a country full of trained force users. 

I heard a thud, and then I heard dragging as they moved the body from the stage. Maybe that's why the mat was red, I realized, still too scared to open my eyes. One couldn't see the blood stains against a red background. My stomach churned. 

I started as Luke put away his gun and clapped, signaling the end of the session. The master pulled me up to my feet and released me finally. For the first time I really looked at him. 

He had very pale skin, that looked almost sickly under these lights, and long jet black hair long enough to cover over his ears. He looked a little sick, from the circumstances I'm sure. He has large muscles, a strong build. He was wearing all black robes with a dramatic black cape that dragged against the ground behind him just an inch or so. He stared back at me for a moment as I bowed at him before leaving the stage. His black eyes looked pained and expressive, betraying his stoic expression. 

I turned from him and somehow I was able to walk back out off the stage back to my room. The transition was over. I would never been able to talk about Finn again. As far the country was concerned, I would be considered a terrorist aligning myself with the likes of a criminal if I talked about him. Even my family would shun me if I mentioned his name and told them about what had happened to him. It was woven into the fabric of our society to not talk about what goes on in the Transition. We focus on the before and after. We don't talk about the law or the deaths. 

It is alright to 'turn' on the day of the Transition. It happened every once and a while actually, as teens who had always been light siders fall to the dark side as they watch their friends die. It's traumatic. And traumas scar people in different ways. The danger is that afterwards, one must stay on that side for a minimum of five years. Switching too often shows grey potential. 

As I walked over to the fresher to take a shower, I stared myself in the mirror. I've never thought I was beautiful. Maybe pretty, but I guess I've never really cared about that sort of thing. I've always focused on more important things like getting ready for college or force training to fight for the military, and family and friends, and learning to use the force. 

I turned on the water, let the scalding hot water run over my head and body. I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling, trying to comfort myself. I'd now been deemed dark side. I had shown no light side at all today. In a way, I guess I've succeeded, but the dark side is dangerous and I didn't know if I really liked the feeling of the power, passion and pain I felt. I'm going to have to train hard and check myself constantly. 

I need to be strong, I thought, trying to invoke more confidence in myself as I dried off and dressed in a set of warm pajamas. It got really cold in that air conditioned cell. I'm not going to call it a room. We lost most of our rights in this place. 

Rose came in shortly after I turned off the lights to crawl in bed and sleep. We didn't speak. I turned over to face the wall. Not that we were mad at each other. We just couldn't look at each other right now, we'd both have cried and talked about Finn. And we wound've gotten into trouble. Years later we'd talk about it, but these rooms were tightly monitored. 

We'd both made it. Which almost made it worse. We'd made it, and he didn't. 

The next day, we were separated and returned to our families. My Dad paid for my flight.  
" Here's a letter for you," he spoke, excitement radiating from him. He handed me the white envelope shortly after I arrived home. The address indicated it was from the capital. It was from the masters,

" Dear dark sider Rey, 

Congratulations on your success at the capital. I do not know what your plans are for your future, but, based on your performance at the Transition, i have spoken with the other dark side masters, and have the blessing of Leader Leia Organa herself. I would like to extend an invitation to you to be my personal Padawan starting next month. A plane will be sent to pick you up at the airport to take you to the capital. You will stay with me and train until you have reached your true potential. 

Sincerely,  
Ben Organa


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks before the deadline, I made my decision. I would say yes to Master Organa's offer. My parents had been thrilled. A little surprised that I'd turned dark side, but my mother assured me it was perfectly normal. She's heard this happened every day at the Transition. They'd wanted to throw a party to celebrate, but I'd disagreed. I felt very private about my force ability and I wasn't all too thrilled that I wasn't light side. 

And so, all too soon the day arrived for me to move to the capital to train. My mother helped me pack my bags, checked to make sure I had everything I needed, including a new training uniform. I only had my light sided outfit I'd trained hard to earn at my parents' dojo for basically my whole life. I needed a dark rider uniform. 

Both uniforms were identical, traditional robes with ties, black pants and a thin tunic underneath. But the light sides wore white with a black sash when made a master. The dark siders wore the same only in black, and a red sash was earned when made a master. 

The plane to take me to the capital was a sleek red plane, just by chance. My parents flipped when they heard I was being flown in first class. They were so proud. I tried my best to share in their excitement, but I honestly felt too nervous to enjoy any of it. I had to be so careful. I could be killed if I was found out. 

They waved from the gate. They couldn't go past security. I waved back and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to turn around and leave them and go through security. I wanted to stay home. To train with them at their dojo. But I was dark sider now. I wasn't welcome at their dojo anymore, because the two sides do not mix philosophies or training. 

The first class was actually really nice. Plush pale tan leather seats, ample leg room, baked chicken and mashed potatoes and ice cream for dinner, and lots of movies to choose from, and snacks. It was a short ride back to capital. I hated the creeping dread I felt. I hated that place. The things I'd seen, and now I was going back. It was an honor to be asked by a master to train with them, so I'd had no choice other than to accept. 

The plane landed at the biggest airport at the capital. The plane landed smoothly on the strip, and stopped out in the open. The doors opened. Everyone unbuckled and calmly stood to grab their bags. I stood and reached high above my seat to take down my other larger carry-on. The first class had the privilege of departing from the plane first. My eyes took a second to adjust to the light as I walked down off the plane steps onto the hot asphalt. 20 feet away, stood my new master. He was wearing a black suit and tie, his curly long hair neat around his face, standing beside a black expensive looking sleek car. He looked really handsome actually. I walked toward him after I found my other luggage on a cart set by the plane, breaking away from the crowd to walk towards him. I floated the bags around me as I walked. It was trickier using the dark side to do this , but I'd been practicing. I hoped it looked as effortless as I wanted it to. 

His expression was unreadable when he opened the door to let me in, in the front seat. " Thank you," I said, getting in, clicking my seat belt as I stared at him as he closed the door. He nodded, and turned to load in the luggage in the trunk and back seat. He joined me in the driver's seat a moment later. He said nothing at first. He turned on engine, fiddled with the AC for a moment, and pulled out of the space onto the highway. 

The car had all black leather interior, very expensive looking. I fiddled with my sleeve as I looked around; I looked out the window when I caught him watching me. 

He stared straight ahead as he said finally,"We are going to my dojo. The master's apartments are build on the 30th and 31st floors. Your quarters will be on the 30th floor with me."  
"Um, Ok," I said, shyly looking over at him.  
" Your quarters are separated from mine, don't worry," he smirked, reading my unease in the force.  
I laughed. Thank the force.  
It was his turn to laugh. " You really need to learn to block your thoughts better young Padawan."  
I balked at him. I was the best at mind shielding at my dojo. How had he?

He rolled his eyes. I glared at him. He chuckled, " It's nice to see I can push your buttons so easily, it's going to make training you that much easier."  
I crossed my arms, glaring out the window, typical dark sider. 

I decided to ignore him for the rest of the trip, and try to rest my eyes. I felt disconcerted though. I hadn't found anyone who was able to break through my mental defenses since I was little. I'd never felt more exposed, or vulnerable. I crossed my arms, folding in on myself slightly as I gazed out the window, pretending to not notice his eyes studying me.  
" It's okay, you know. I won't hurt you and use your thoughts against you" I turned to stare at him. He stared straight ahead focusing on the road. He cleared his throat ," I have had two masters in my life. Master Luke and Master Snoke. Both of whom used to use my thoughts against you. I won't do that to you, that I can promise."  
I'd ask him about that story later; "Wait, THE master Luke ? The grand master of the light side?"  
He sniffed, looking a bit uncomfortable, " mm yes, he's my uncle."  
His uncle. Wow, I can't believe you have such a cool uncle. That helps explain why Ben can afford such nice suits and this beautiful Tesla, and-  
" Would you Please stop projecting. Force, Rey, yes he's my uncle. But you should know that I have earned these things all on my own, without help from my family," he was mad. She's got to learn to control her thoughts. It's so dangerous. 

" Now wait a minute." I said, feeling defensive ," I'll have you know that my parents studied under Luke Skywalker's tutelage and they've trained me since I was a baby, and by the time I was a young teen no one I knew could break through my defenses.  
" Ha," he scoffed," That explains it then,"  
I could feel my face getting red, " That explains what ?" How dare he insult my family.  
" You're still projecting Rey," he muttered, veering off onto the nearest exit into the center of town. "But to answer your question, light sider's mental defenses are weaker than dark siders." For some reason, I didn't want to interrupt. I wanted to know why he thought this was true.  
He took my silence as a good sign and glanced my way quickly before continuing, " Well, you see, dark sides traditionally build their defenses with pain, passion, and focus. Light siders use calm and hope-"  
" Yes, I know that-"  
"Don't interrupt," he snapped. I huffed, but decided to just let him speak for now.  
" Anways, as I was saying before I was interrupted-" I made a face at him, which he ignored, but I could have sworn I saw him roll his eyes.  
" But, when light siders get flustered or passionate, which all people do sometimes, their defenses weaken. I have heard that you have always trained as a light sider, but that you changed to a dark sider at the Transition?" I nodded. " Then that is why. Dark sider defenses are built differently. You must learn to use your passion and emotion. You do not have peace or calm to help you now."  
" oh" was all I said. It all made sense now. I closed my eyes, stripping down my defenses, noticing that he was right ! Of course he's right, he is a master after all, I thought a little bitterly. My defenses were full of holes. I hadn't even noticed? I must be more tired than I thought. Once they were stripped down, I used my passion and anger and tried to built using those tools instead. Satisfied, I opened my eyes to look at Ben expectantly.  
He nodded; " Better."  
I smiled, dropping my crossed arms into a more relaxed position. I can do this. 

I was about to ask him more about his time learning under Luke, or, more importantly, why he left for this Snoke person, when we pulled into a parking garage in a very wealthy business district in the city. 

We stopped at the gate. He pulled out a laminated key and pressed it into the slot. The green light went on and the metal gate lifted.  
$35 an hour for parking ?! Wow.  
" Do you get a discount for parking?"  
He nodded.  
Well, thank the force at least there's that. He moved the car up into the VIP second level of the garage. A valet met us at the gate to park for Ben and carry my bags.  
" Come with me " Ben said, motioning me to follow him into the elevator.  
" But my-"  
" your bags will be waiting for you in my room"  
I stopped in my tracks, staring at him, " You-your room ? Oh, no,no,no. "  
" There will be no more discussion" he stated, ignoring my protests, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me with him onto the nearby elevator.  
I huffed, yanking my arm away from him once the doors had closed and we'd started to rise. 

I was about to yell at him, but I was cut off as I realized that one of the walls of the elevator was entirely made of reinforced glass. I gasped as, a few floors up, a view opened up of the entire dojo. The living quarters all the way up lined the walls on each floor, but the entire center of the building was holo, leading all the way up to the 32nd floor so that people from any floor could look down at the training center. There was equipment of every kind on the bottom exposed floor, as well as large training mats, and a large pool equipped with lanes and diving boards all in the middle on the ground floor of the building. 

I started to get dizzy as the dojo equipment and people working grew smaller as we kept climbing. 

I jumped as the door opened behind me. I ran off before Ben; I'd never been so happy to get off an elevator in my life. He chuckled at her reaction. He'd felt the same way when he'd first arrived here as a boy. 

I tried not to focus on the railing that had a straight shot 30 floor drop down to the ground level as we walked down the hall to the corner to a double doored room that read, ' Penthouse 2A'. 

I wasn't surprised anymore. It was obvious my new master was loaded. 

" You coming?"  
I startled, realizing I'd been standing there like an idiot thinking while he'd opened the door with his key, waiting for me to get myself together.  
" oh, Sorry!" I called, walking in past him. 

He slammed me back against the closed door inside his room, drawing up close so that I had to look at his face. His eyes darkened as he lifted my chin with his hand so that I couldn't look away; " Do not ever apologize to me again, young Padawan, do you understand me ?" He muttered sharply, studying my defiant expression as I tried to not be intimidated by his sudden closeness. He stood there waiting for a response. His eyes darted down to stare at my lips for a moment, and looked up to stare at my eyes, studying my expression. When I still didn't answer, his expression darkened as he leaned in and crushed his lips against my own in a searing kiss. 

I didn't respond at first, I was inexperienced and shocked that my new master had just kissed me. He held the closed mouth kiss for a moment more; when I didn't respond, he pulled away, leaving me leaning against the door. He turned away, staring off into space. " I apologize, Rey," he left the room. 

"It's ... okay" I whispered, my lips tingling still from the kiss. I just hadn't been expecting it. That had been, my first kiss.

He returned a couple minutes later with a set of sheets and a thick soft blanket and set them down on the couch.  
" What happened before will not happen again," he assured me, glancing at me briefly before starting making the couch up for me. He didn't look at me as he focused on tucking in the corners and arranging the blankets just so;" That was a mistake. It won't happen again. It was a moment of weakness. That's all."

I could feel a deep blush spread on my cheeks. I looked everywhere but him. But then I thought about it and used frustration to give myself a little more confidence as I replied, " That's perfectly fine, Master Organa. You were caught up in the moment. I hope that you will not apologize to me in the future either. The same rule should be applied to both of us" He nodded, examining his work as he tucked in the last corner of the blanket. Satisfied, he glanced my way, giving me his signature smirk. He walked over to the cart of drinks to pour himself a scotch.  
" Scotch?" He asked, his eyebrows raised.  
I shook my head.  
He shrugged, and took his own glass. I followed him out into the terrace to sit across from him at a small glass top table. There were potted plants all around the table. Like we were in the country surrounded by a flourishing garden. It was lovely. 

He took a sip, surveying the city visible around us off he balcony above the plants as he said, his voice more soft now, relaxed after I'd said the rule about saying sorry, " The only reason you're staying with me tonight is because your apartment isn't ready"  
I nodded, looking at the city.  
" Rey ?"  
I turned to study his face. His expression looked remorseful, his eyebrows raised, his eyes looked sad, his mouth turned down slightly at the edges, " I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. You'll move into your own furnished apartments next door tomorrow morning. It just - I was notified of this change just an hour before you arrive"  
I smiled at him, trying to assure him that I was really perfectly fine, a little surprised, at everything that had transpired tonight, but fine;" I'm alright. Truly. You just , caught me off guard." It was his turn to blush. I continued, " I don't mind sleeping here if it is just for one nignt." 

He looked relieved. He took a final sip and sat the glass down on the table. " Good! I'm glad that's settled" his smirked. I nodded. 

He motioned me to join him inside. He pointed at the fresher down the hall, I could use anything I saw there. There were extra supplies under the sink if I needed anything. 

" I'll give you a tour of the dojo tomorrow morning. Please wear your training uniform. Good night, Padawan Rey" I smiled at him in response. He left me then, moving into his bedroom to use the master bath and get ready for bed. Left alone, I wandered around the apartment for the first time. Natural exposed wood and black leather were prominent themes in this space. It all looked very modern and rich. The kitchen was a chef's dream, all stainless steel and back lit clean counters. 

I used the fresher, happy at the chance to take a shower and change into some clean pajamas and wash my face and brush my teeth. 

I felt a little more relaxed and settled now. Maybe a little awkward staying in a man's apartment, but at least he seemed to respect me, and had given me some privacy to get settled for bed. I plopped down on the couch, deciding to take the time now to send a text to my parents ; 'settled now. Will update soon. Love you - Good night.' 

It was late already, almost midnight. They were already asleep probably. I wouldn't get a reply until the next morning. 

I turned off the lamp, plunging the room into comfortable darkness as I crawled beneath the covers and plugged my phone into the outlet on the lamp. I closed my eyes, relaxing into a much needed deep sleep.

I dreamt of sad dark brown eyes and black leather, and suddenly I was falling off that railing falling down from the top floor, startling awake just before landing on the red and blue mat where my friend was killed.


	3. Chapter 3

I've always hated dreams about falling. Seeing the famous Transition mat covered stage had me shook when I startled awake; I was drenched in sweat. I took a deep breath to center myself, and reached over to check the time on my phone. 2:36 AM. Great, I fell back on my pillow, vibrating my lips. Great, I'm never going to get back to sleep now. 

I couldn't stop thinking about Finn and Rose. I felt a tear drip down my cheek. I let it fall. I sniffled; what was I going to do? I, I had to get out of here. 

Everything looked different when I sat back up and surveyed the room. I felt claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in on me. Fuck it. I dressed in a new set of clothes I had in my bags and didn't bother to fix my hair, but I did wash my face and teeth. I grabbed my smallest bag with my money and ID and left Ben's apartment. 

I didn't really care where I went as I ran down the hallway towards the elevator. I realized that I woke up Ben when I turned from the buttons inside the elevator to see Ben running towards me from his room, shirtless, barefoot, dressed only in a light pair of black sweats. 

He was frowning, clearly disturbed by my sudden urge to flee. 

It didn't take him long to reach me. He caught his hand in the door just as it was about to close.  
So close, I thought misterably, refusing to look at him as he got in with me, letting the door close around us. 

" What are you doing ?" He asked, his voice just above a whisper, kinder than I thought it would be. He pressed the stop button on the elevator to prevent it from going down further, or from other people getting in so that we could have some privacy to talk.  
I shrugged, looking away. I'd started to cry. I didn't care anymore. I sniffled, wiping the snot from my nose. It was like a dam had burst. I started sobbing. I dropped my bag and sat down with my back against the wall of the elevator, burying my head in my hands. 

"What's happening ? Why are you crying? What can I do ? I hate it when girls, I mean women, cry," he was clearly flustered, worry creasing his forehead over his brows. He crouched down next to me, facing me; he took my hands from my face into his hands, and dragged my up on my feet. 

I stared up at him, my eyes red and puffy. I sniffled.  
" Wait a second ," he smirked, gazing at me. I nodded. He felt around in his pants pockets and drew out a clean tissue.  
" Here" he handed me the tissue. " Dry your tears" he spoke a little harshly, like he was unaccustomed to comforting people.  
" Thank you" I whispered; my voice sounded hoarse from crying.  
He grunted, shrugging his shoulders, he gazed off at the elevator doors.  
We stood there in silence for a while; I'd finally stopped crying, thank the force.  
" Master Organa, I'm s-"  
He glared over at me.  
I shut up, looking away. I tried again, " I don't usually cry. That was very unlike me." He grunted. " Thanks for the tissue." He nodded.  
" You didnt answer my question" 

What question? " What question?"

He finally looked at me, studying my face and expression, he was confused; " What are you doing out here?"  
I shrugged.  
He took a step towards me, crowding into my space. He lifted my chin with his left hand so I couldn't look away. I took a step back, softly hitting the wall behind me softly.  
" Where were you going ?" He whispered, staying into my eyes. I shrugged.  
" Rey" he stared sternly.  
" I- I don't know"  
"You don't know." He didn't believe me.  
I gulped, feeling nervous because of how close he was. What was with this guy and personal space? 

He smirked.  
Shit; I checked my shields. Full of holes again.  
Fuck it;" Master Organa," I tried to sound more confident in my excuse than I felt, " I wanted to go for a walk"  
He wasn't buying it. He looked annoyed; his eyebrows raised. " Rey!"  
I rolled my eyes. " I-" I huffed. And gazed back into his eyes. I feel like I can tell him the truth.  
He smirked. He'd read my thoughts. I was still projecting.  
" You really need to stop doing that" I snapped.  
He shrugged.  
" the truth is, I had a nightmare"  
He'd thought as much, but still he let me speak.  
I continued, the truth coming out in a rush; " I had a nightmare about the Transition" his eyes widened; " Yes, I know that we're not supposed to talk about it, but" I licked my lips, sounding more and more flustered, " But, I dreamt about my friend who was killed" 

" The boy you protected?" His whispered, searching my face.  
I nodded.  
"Can I tell you something, Rey?" He whispered.  
I nodded, studying his face, staring into his eyes.  
" Your desire to protect your friend it part of the reason why I chose you as my Padawan." 

It was my turn to stare.  
He spoke slowly, enunciating as he told me the reasons why he picked me;" Your strength, your need to protect the people you care about, your loyalty towards your friends and family , and your potential in the force," he poked me lightly on the forehead with his other hand. I smiled." Those are the reasons why you will make a great padawan." 

Oh. I smiled warmly up at him. 

He looked pleased with himself or with my reaction, maybe both. He stepped back, and pressed the button to the nearest floor.  
" We'll get back on an elevator one floor down to go back up to my apartment."  
I didn't say anything. I watched him, nodding as he spoke; " Everything will look better in the morning, I promise" he spoke confidently, folding his hands behind his back, facing the doors. 

I looked away. The doors opened and we moved out together and got on a different elevator heading up. 

As we got off onto floor 30, he walked ahead of me to open the door; " Next time, please come see me when you're having a hard time. Do not run away again" he watched me as I walked inside the room. I nodded, smiling sheepishly up into his eyes as I walked past. He closed the door and motioned me to follow him over to a couple stools by the kitchen counter. 

I sat down next to him. He stood up and walked around to the other side to the sink to grab us a couple of glasses of water. 

I took a sip from my glass. The cool water was refreshing, making me feel a little more like myself. 

We didn't speak, we both felt content to sit together and drink our waters. I felt relieved that he didn't discuss things further. I sighed, a little more relaxed, setting down my glass. I turned my chair a little towards him; " Do you know- what time is it?" He took a last sip from his glass, pointing at the clock on the oven.  
Oh. " I can't believe it's already 5:00"  
" Yup" he muttered, stretching out his back as he sat up straight.  
" What's the plan for today?"  
He smiled, looking over at me, " Well, I was thinking I'd give you a tour of the dojo first," I copied his smile, " And then, we'll start your training. We'll focus on your mental strength" I bit my lip, feeling a little nervous. I nodded. I really needed the training. I had no idea dark side mind training was so much different from light side. " And then we'll focus on your physical strength, combat skills, footwork, and plan a force curriculum for you based on your knowledge and skills culminating in a following weeks with you making your lightsaber."

I gasped, clapping my hands. " Eek" I was freaking out;" oh maker, I've always wanted my own lightsaber." 

He laughed, rolling his eyes; she was so cute when she was excited. So different from the fierce warrior I saw on the mat. 

He stood up off the stool; " Well," he sighed, "Im going to go back to bed for a couple hours. Let's make the wake up call 7, ok?"  
" Yes, sir" I bowed my head to him, beaming at him still excited about the idea of having my very own saber. 

I hope it's blue, or green, or white or some beautiful color like that...oh, well I guess it's going to red. That's still pretty cool, and-

"You're projecting" he snapped. I glared at him.  
He smirked. " We'll work on that tomorrow" he huffed, walking out back into his bedroom. 

I stuck my tongue out at him after he left.  
A yawn broke across my face. Two more hours of sleep couldn't hurt. I walked back over to my makeshift bed and curled into the cool soft blankets. I unhooked my bra, sliding it off my careful not to take off my shirt with it, and buried it into my small bag I'd laid down by the couch when I'd come back in with Ben. 

I felt a little more comfortable. I tried to focus on the hope I had to soothe myself into a more calm, confident state and froze. Shit. I checked my defenses and found yet again another huge gaping hole. I groaned. Shit, shit, shit, I focused on passion and the frustration I felt to rebuild my defenses. I sat up and looked around to make sure my new master hadn't felt... I never knew for sure, if I'd imagined it because I was so paranoid about being found it, of if it really happened, but I'll swear this until the day i become one with the force; I saw the shadow of a man peer around the corner wall separating the hall towards his bedroom door. I froze in place but the shadow shifted and I didn't feel another presence enter my space until the morning. I never asked him. But somehow I knew that he'd felt something that night that made him certain of my true identity in the force.

\---

 

"Rey ! Rey, get up!" He shook me violently by the shoulders. " Rey!"  
I gasped, my eyes flying open. I sat up straight, looking around wildly; I stared at him;" What? What happened ?!"  
" We need to leave" I looked down to see he had a suitcase by his side.  
" why?" I asked, my eyes widening as I took in the terror in his eyes. 

" Come- I'll explain in the car" I didn't ask any more questions. I could feel in the force that he was really terrified of something that was about to happen. 

It didn't take me long to get ready. All my bags were packed and I'd slept in the clothes I'd worn when I'd thought about running away the night before.  
He grabbed my arm and pulled me with him onto the elevator. I looked down at my phone; 6:14.  
I looked between my phone, the bags and him, trying to put the pieces together.  
Ben's hair was all over the place. He was still dressed in the black sweats last night, only now he was wearing sneakers and a black T-shirt. He ignored my stare until we got back down to the garage. He grabbed my arm again. 

I yanked it back. He glared at me.  
" Would you stop doing that!" I snapped, rubbing my arm. It hurt when he did that. 

His face looked apologetic. " Come on then" he replied impatiently. I hurried to keep up, the bags floating closely around us.  
The car was alread waiting for us. Only this time, I was surprised to find a man in a black sports jacket and black shirt sitting in the driver's seat. " Master Ben" the man bowed his head politely.  
" Derek Young" Ben acknowledged him.  
" Get in" he ordered, opening the back passenger door for me. I blinked, obeying. He closed the door beside me, and ran around the back to throw in the bags and get in the back on the other side. He slammed the door, sitting next to me.  
" Drive "  
The car roared to life, and sped off past the gate into the city streets.  
" The girl's phone " Derek snapped.  
Ben held his hand up towards me, craning to look out the front window instead of looking at me. 

" Hey!" I yelled. He ignored me, grabbing my phone out of my hand and handed it to Derek, who fumbled with the case, smashed it under his left foot, and reached down to grab it and throw it out the window.  
" What the fuck!" I yelled, looking to Ben for answers. " What the fuck is going on, Ben?!"  
Ben stared at me, surprised that I used his name instead of his formal title. I glared at him. 

He caught Derek's eye in the rear view mirror. Derek nodded. 

Ben sighed. He spoke quietly, trying to sound rational at a time when everything seemed to be falling apart;" This morning, at about 5 AM, I confided in my uncle about a new development I'd noticed in my new padawan."  
I gasped, my eyes widening.  
He stared at me;" I'd felt conflict in you and thought you might be grey, but then you shocked me with force lightning, a very powerful dark sider skill, and I knew I wanted you as my padawan. But I've felt conflict in you since then, even in the short time I've known you. So I asked my uncle. And not for the first time , he betrayed my confidence."  
Oh my - no, no, no, this cannot be happening.  
He nodded, reading my thoughts. I was too unpracticed in the dark side still to built a strong enough defense to hide from a master in the dark side. " Yes, my uncle wants you dead. I thought he would let me train you, because you have so much promise in the force, but he disagrees. He wants me to bring you to him."

I shrunk back, trying the door. It was locked. I tried to force it open. When I tried a third time ,Ben grabbed me, and pulled me back towards him. Before I could object he raised his hand and slapped me hard across the face. I cringed, staring at him as I reached up to hold the side of my face where he'd hit me.  
" Why did you hit me" I whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.  
" I need you to be strong for me, Rey", he grabbed my hand in his, and lifted my chin up to look at him with the other. I shrugged him off and slapped him back, as hard as I could, across his cheek and jawline. I spoke through clenched teeth;" I need you to listen to me. Now, are you listening?"  
He seethed, nodding. " You will never hit me again." He searched my eyes. He smirked, nodding, looking pleased with himself. (Bastard)" Good. Now, I did not say that I would bring you to him. Instead, I am taking you somewhere you can be safe" 

My eyes widened.  
" Yes, Rey," he nodded, looking out the window as Derek drove us further out of the city, the streets a blur around us Derek drove carefully and as quickly as possible to get us, or i really should say, me, to safety.  
"State lines coming up in 10 miles, sir"  
" Thanks, Derek" Ben replied, looking back at me.  
" Rey," he spoke calmly, trying to will me to feel calm through the force, hoping that with all these holes in my defenses he'd be able to manipulate me a little to make me less anxious. 

I felt numb, I couldn't think. And even with his efforts, I felt fear and anger vibrate through me, giving me power. The dark side rushed through me; I felt a whooshing noise in my ears. 

I almost missed what he was saying as he whispered; " Welcome to the Order."


	4. Chapter 4

"No." I replied, glaring at Ben. I put as much power behind the words as I could muster. I didn't want to become a member of some fringe organization. I wanted a normal life. I wanted to see my family again. I wanted to study and train in the ways of the force, and become a successful force user like my parents. No. This wasn't going to happen. 

He blinked. " No?" He asked, his expression pained. " Could you be any more ungrateful?"

" Ungrateful!?" I yelled, throwing up my arms in exasperation. " You sort of kidnapped me! You broke my phone, and you are completely wrong. I am not grey in the slightest!" I didn't break eye contact with him, pouring as much weight and power behind my words so that maybe he'd believe me.  
" Ha! I didn't kidnap you, Rey." He shook his head at me and looked down on me like I was a little girl who believed in unicorns. 

I guffawed. " You did, and I demand that you take me back. I will face master Luke Skywalker, and he will see that I am not grey in the slightest" I crossed my arms and pouted, looking off to the side. 

He leaned back, looking between Derek and I. He blinked, reaching up to scratch his head as he processed what I'd said. " If I was wrong-"  
" You were,"I interrupted.  
He grimaced, " Then, I will take you back to the dojo immediately."  
" Thank you," I replied, glaring at him with enough animosity to scare even Darth Vader. 

He raised his arms in surrender. He swallowed hard, turning towards Derek. " Miss Rey would like to go home." He gazed briefly at me; he looked like a scolded puppy dog. I smirked. " Please turn around and take us back to the dojo." 

"Yes, sir." Derek grumbled, pulling into a nearby parking lot to turn around. He smirked; I like this one. She has balls... 

I smiled at the back of Derek's head. Derek didn't have force ability, I could feel it in the force, so he couldn't stop himself from projecting.  
It would be about an hour drive back to the dojo. I leaned back, relaxing a little as we drove through the now traffic heavy city streets. I gazed out the window, willing my face to look stoic, though on the inside i was working hard to check my defenses; still secure, thank the force, since I felt him sense my shift in the force earlier that morning. 

" You owe me a phone, Derek" I grumbled, still looking out the window. 

" I apologize Miss Rey. I'm sure that my boss can help you out there."

" I will." He was still watching me closely. He hadn't been able to get through her defenses since early this morning. His brows furrowed. He'd been sure that she had ... well, he'd have to watch her even more closely now. Perhaps he was wrong. She would be killed if she slipped up again, or, for the first time? She'd told him he was wrong with so much weight that it had felt like the truth. At least she was getting better at using the dark side to protect her thoughts. He was a little impressed that they were strong enough now that he could only feel her surface emotions; anxiety and anger. Perfect, he nodded to himself, if he was wrong, which he didn't think he was but now he was having doubts about his theory about her, she definetly felt like a dark sider now, which is exactly how she Should feel, he thought, looking away from Rey out his window.  
-

Beneath my defenses, I was terrified. That had been close, too close. I'd for the most part convinced Ben that I was really dark side. Now I just had to protect myself forever like I've been doing all my life, and convince Master Luke. No big deal. I tried to slow my breathing, but my heart was beating in my chest so loudly I could hardly hear myself think. 

I was a little proud of myself I had convinced them I was telling the truth. Maybe it's because I've been lying to people, my family, my friends, for so long that even I'd practically convinced myself that it was true. 

No one spoke again until we'd grabbed the bags from the trunk and Ben had paid our 'getaway' driver. I frowned. I needed to remember that i was never safe. I checked my defenses again, pouring anger into it. This day really sucked. I just wanted to- what? Go home? I thought dismally. This was my home now. 

Alone in the garage, Ben ordered me to follow him to the elevator. I followed, ready to get back in his apartments. 

To my surprise, he led me to a different room labeled penthouse '1A' 

"Your apartment is actually ready now if you'd like to see?" He asked, studying my face. She seems more calm now, which was good. He'd show her some meditation lessons later. 

" Sure ! " i replied, feeling a little excited actually at the idea of one, being alone in my own apartment where i didn't have to watch myself constantly, although i did have to protect my thoughts. I always did. And two, I was excited about having a little privacy. It had felt a little awkward sharing an apartment with a man. Especially a fit man with expressive eyes and abs for days... shit. I checked my defenses. Still solid as steel. More so actually, because a force user can read people through steel and even bend it if need be. 

He smirked, but hid it from her as he walked to his apartment to grab her key, and came back next door to open it for her. Was he imagining it, cause he was kind of second guessing his reading abilities at the moment, or did he read a little lust coming from his padawan? He shook his head, surely it couldn't have been directed towards him. 

He let it slide, and didn't look at her as he held the door open for her so she could see her new place. He placed the bags just inside the door. He held the door open for a moment, standing in the doorway, as he caught her eye and spoke, his expression unreadable so that she couldn't see that he wanted her too at this moment, and how excited she'd made him feel when he'd felt lust roll off her; " Well, enjoy your new place. Get settled. You will meet with Master Luke at 1:30 this afternoon. Wear your uniform."

I nodded solemnly, biting my lip. I looked away and started to walk off to the fresher to shower.  
" Rey!" He froze me in the force. He'd have to show me how to do that too, i thought, mentally rolling my eyes as he turned me around to face him. He whispered, " Protect yourself." 

He released me and closed the door to the apartment to return to his own. I stared at the door for a long moment, processing what he'd just said to me. Protect myself? I gulped. Did you still suspect me? If Ben suspected me, then how was I going to convince master Luke? 

I wrung my hands, and pulled my hands through my hair. I needed a plan. 

The apartment was really nice. Basically identical to Ben's actually. Down to the furniture, and bathrooms and plants on the terrace. Ben had been very generous. 

I walked around in a bit of a daze as I wandered around exploring my new apartment. Finding appliances, a stocked fridge, bedding all set up my own king sized bed. I drew my fingers across the blue grey duvet. It was really soft. I flopped down on my back. 

I miss my phone. 

I rolled my eyes. I can't believe I'm about to face the greatest jedi master of a generation and I'm thinking about my flipping phone. I groaned, kicking my legs on the bed in frustration. 

I sat up. I need a plan. 

I stood and searched around in the bedside table to see if there was a pad of paper. Yes, there was. There was a small set of blank stationary labeled at the top with the name of the dojo in some blank writing ; " CSA: Center for the Sith Arts: the premier school in the country for dark side force users." 

I grabbed a blue pen from a drawer in the living room and sat back down on the center of the bed. I crossed my legs under me, and started drawing out a plan to impress master Luke. 

\-----

I wasn't really surprised to find out that Luke had set up our meeting in a force neutral zone; the city's courthouse. I was informed by Ben as we drove over that it was on the other side of the city from the dojo ; we would all meet in a courtroom expressly used to handle matters involving the force. 

Ben informed me that there would be a jury of witnesses to the test, a judge, and he would be allowed to sit off to the side to watch only because he was my master. 

I'd nodded along to show that i understood, but I didn't look at him. I gazed out the window at the buildings and people walking around, blissfully unaware of what I was going through. I reached up to adjust my uniform. The black robe had a high stiff collar that stopped just an inch below my jaw. I'd tied the tie too tightly. I kept fumbling with it. I untied and tied it a couple times until it was a little less restricting. I was happy with the black leggings; they fit similarly to the yoga pants I usually wore. The black flat traditional shoes reminded me of Van slip on shoes. They were really comfortable actually, I thought, wriggling my toes. Not that I'd be wearing them at the test, though. Traditionally, force users trained and fought barefoot at scheduled fights. 

The courthouse had an adjacent parking garage. Ben led me to the elevator leading to the courthouse upstairs, his hand comforting on the small of my back. I was shaking. 

The elevator began to rise as he released me; he checked his phone and found in Luke's instructions what floor the room was on and pressed it: floor 5. 

He pocketed his phone, turning his attention back on me as he turned me towards him gently, placing his hands on my shoulders as he looked me straight in the face and whispered," You cannot do this, Rey. He is strong. You will fail." 

I stared at him. I blinked. My stomach dropped. I looked down, biting back tears. 

No, don't do this Rey, I mentally chastized myself. I've got this. I shook my head. 

I looked up back into his eyes and leaned in close, whispering, copying his tone, " Fuck. You." I said, enunciated every syllable. 

He blinked at me, dropping his hands down by his sides. 

Before he could respond, the elevators doors opened into a well-lit hallway. The court room was at the end of the hall behind large mahogany official looking double doors labeled, 'Court room.' I winked at him and turned to walk ahead confidently towards the double doors. Without any ceremony, I pushed the doors open slowly with the force, and walked in to face master Luke.

Inside, everyone was already seated. They turned to stare at me, Ben hot on my heels as I speedwalked to stand before the judge. 

We bowed before the judge, the jury, and Master Luke, who stood in jedi robes by the mat set in between the judge's stand and the jury. 

The session proceeded once we were seated in two chairs by the mat before master Luke, with a tribute to the important role of the Resistance in, " Securing peace in our great nation," recited by the judge in a deep baritone. 

Then it was time for the test. The two small wooden chairs were removed from the mat over to the wall, where Ben walked to sit after he bowed before his uncle, showing his respect to his previous master. Master Luke inclined his head in response, before turning towards me. I had stayed standing in the same place where I had been sitting. 

I grabbed at any anger I felt, and it turned out that I had a deep-seeded anger for this master. My blood boiled, my hearing distorted by the whooshing of energy through my ears and body as the darkness lit a cold fire through my body. I thought about the master's calm facade as he'd moved Finn to the center of the red circle on the mat at the Transition. I poured my hatred into my mental defenses to secure them further past anything I'd ever achieved before. To keep this up, I worked on creating two paths of energy through me ; one towards my defenses, the other covering my aura and self in hot black flowing and static energy. 

I closed my eyes as I felt the grand master approach me on the mat, freeze me, and draw me closer into the center. I thought about how I'd never see Finn again, I thought about my fear at this moment that Master Luke could kill me so easily if he wanted. It was the law. 

Master Luke circled around me, his eyes closed, his hands poised over me, studying me, looking for any hint of grey, of walking the line between light and dark. The darkness sang in my ears, taunting me to kill him. 

Well, this is new, I mused. Focus Rey! I commanded myself, trying to dig deeper. The whispers came from the whooshing I heard in my ears. I focused on the lust I'd felt earlier. This added a little but it wasn't nearly as useful as the anger and fear I was using to increase my power. 

I thought about the fear I'd felt my whole life. The trials. The lies. I buried every thought deep down and pushed out the pain and suffering I'd felt by pushing people away sometimes when they wondered or go to close. I thought about how I couldn't trust anything, and the sadness I'd felt, and the passion I felt for life and preserving my right to live. 

" Rey," I could barely hear Master Luke over the whispers and roaring in my head; " Open your eyes." 

Deep in my sith meditation, opening my eyes was difficult. I peered at him finally, squinting, my eyes watering as they adjusted to the bright lights in the courtroom. 

I could feel in the force that he was playing with me; I bared my teeth at him. 

" Turn around," he commanded, his voice booming, aided with the force. 

I realized as I turned around and heard the collective gasps from the jury; a couple people started clapping, that the reason why my eyes had struggled to adjust to the light wasn't because it was bright in here; it was actually only lit by the natural light from outside through large windows on the wall. It has seemed bright because of Master Luke 's light side aura. It seemed blindingly bright to me. It hurt my eyes. It infuriated me. My fingers sparked by my sides. I drew them up to my face, studying them as blue sparks curved around my hands. Force, that electricity felt good. It added to my power. 

" Now, you see !?" Master Ben announced to the room, standing up to gesture at me. The audience nodded. " There is no grey at all here!"  
Again the audience nodded. 

" What say you, master Luke ?" The judge asked, his eyes watching me curiously from his stand. 

Luke opened his eyes and stared at me, nodding," Not even a hint of grey. She is truly dark side." 

I closed my eyes, my power hardening into a temporary shell around my mind to protect me, allowing me to relax and privately enjoy the relief I felt from Luke's words. 

I heard the bang of the gavel. I opened my eyes to stare around me, as if waking up from a dream. The court was dismissed. The session had closed. I had won. 

I felt a hand warmly grasp the small of my back ; I stared up at Ben; my expression melted into a warm smile as I gazed up at him. " Let's go home" he whispered. 

I nodded, and let him lead me out of the court room and onto the elevator. I didn't dare speak until we were both in the car and out of the parking garage. 

Ben was the first to break the silence; " You were amazing up there" he whispered, smiling. 

I stared at him, confused. He continued, " Your eyes-" my eyes? My eyebrows furrowed." What, you didn't feel it ?" 

" I did," I whispered.  
Ben nodded, " Your eyes glowed bright yellow from your deep sith trance. Very well done. Especially for a padawan." He patted my hand, and, taking a chance, he gazed over at me out of the corner of his eye and looked straight ahead to focus on the road, as he lifted my hand in his and pressed his lips to the back of my hand. 

I gasped. My emotions were still wired and at the surface so I couldn't hide it in time as lust rolled off me. I felt hot; my cheeks flushed. 

He smirked. He held my hand in his own for the rest of the trip back. I kept stealing glances at him. 

The trip back to the apartment seemed significantly shorter than the initial trip to the courthouse. 

He pulled into the parking garage, flashing his ticket, and parked in his usual spot. Once inside the elevator, it was like a dam broke, and he grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me passionately on the lips. Unlike the first time, I responded eagerly, wrapping my arms around his neck. He made me step back so that my back was pressed against the back of the elevator. He broke away for a second, gazing into my face. " "Yes, "I whispered. I closed my eyes as his lips crashed against mine one more, each of us fighting for dominance. He lifted me up so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. I moaned as he pushed against me, grinding himself between my legs. 

Just then we heard an ahem. I froze, and broke away first. I stared at Ben. His eyes widened. We both gazed over to see that the elevator had stopped, and standing in the doorway of the elevator, was a wealthy Chinese couple who had come to watch the Transition, blocking their two young daughter's eyes with their hands.

I was about to say something to them, like an apology? But Ben would have none of it. He held me in place with his right hand, kissing my neck as he reached over with his left hand to close the doors. 

"Ben?!" I complained, laughing as the doors closed and he continued to kiss my neck. 

" You're mine" he growled, " And I want you, now, all to myself, I don't care who sees or what other people think." 

I was about to disagree, but I was cut off as he ground against me harder this time. I moaned , throwing my head back as he covered my neck with his lips.

" Tell me" he whispered, pressing a kiss to my jaw. 

" Tell me what? That I'm yours?" I breathed, smirking, kissing him sensuously on the lips. 

" no" he shook his head against my neck. My eyes cracked open, the moment gone ; he stared into my eyes, studying my face and reaction as he whispered;" Are you grey?"

" What?!" I cried indignantly, pushing away from him to slide back down off him to a standing position. I stared at him. I cannot believe this. 

The bell dinged softly as the doors opened. I stomped out and didn't look back as I opened the door to my apartment, slamming it shut behind me. 

I screamed into a pillow on my bed. How could I have been so stupid? It was obviously a power thing. I punched the pillow I was laying on. 

Ugh, how could I have been so, so stupid. If there's anything I know, its masters. Masters ask personal questions to get insight and dirt to use on their padawans. They enjoy power, especially power over others. 

I sat up, wiping my tears off with my shirt. I groaned, flopping back on the bed. I felt something crinkle under me; it was a note. 

"Dear Rey, (it was typed, so the handwriting could not be traced)

This is a message to you for your eyes only. Do not trust Master Ben. You don't know this, but he has had other Padawans similar to yourself. Do not be alarmed, but when I say similar I mean with the tendency towards grey. Do not be alarmed. I was there at your Transition. I am a master. I saw your conflict and was not surprised that Ben chose you for your power. You are strong. But be wary, because he has had other powerful female padawans in the past that he has tried to 'save', and let's just say, it is a cycle, with a very dark end each time. Do not allow him to repeat his pattern. Leave now, Rey, before you are hurt. 

Sincerely,  
The Order

PS: If you are interested in more of an explanation than this letter gives you, or about who I am, come to room 3C on floor 30 at 11:29. Knock 2 times. Come alone."


	5. Chapter 5

I threw the letter onto my bedside table. I tossed up my arms. That's it. I walked out of my bedroom heading straight for the 'fresher. I'm taking a shower. The creepy ass letter would still be there when I got back. 

Since I couldn't use the calm of the light side to relax me, I had to start using other methods. Like chocolate and taking long hot showers. 

I let the hot water flow over my face and body, and closed my eyes as I started to finally relax a little. I allowed myself to think about my day, how I'd stood up to my demons and convinced Ben to turn back so that I could be tested by Luke. And then I made out with Ben! I giggled at the memory. I mock fanned my face. It had been so hot. But then, he'd ruined it when he'd asked- I thought as I grabbed the shampoo and conditioner bottles- yet again, if I was grey! That boy can't take a hint. That man doesn't get to save me. I crossed my arms, avoiding the spray to allow the conditioner to sink in for a minute. I save me. 

I felt rejuventated and refreshed when I stepped out to towel dry myself off and my hair. I grabbed a terry cloth robe out of the linen closet, it was dark grey, and it had the CSA logo on it in small raised black letters. I wrapped myself in it. So soft! 

I decided to let my hair air dry, and moved out back into my bedroom to sit on the plush duvet with the pad of paper and pen I'd been using before. I scribbled 'Success' over the plan I'd made to impress Luke and tore off the page, crinkled it into a ball and threw it towards the trash can under the thin black desk by my window. Success !  
" Yess !" I exclaimed aloud. 2 for 2. I was on a roll. 

I sat back, cross legged, and started a new page on the notepad. 

{success! /// To-do list 

1) Get dressed and ready for bed  
2) Deal with creepy ass letter  
3) Deal with Ben.  
I laid down and stared up at the ceiling. Fuck it. I can do this. This is easy.}  
I made myself sit up. Well, the first one is simple and easy to accomplish. I found my red flannel Victoria's Secret PJs, dressed in them, and combed the ends of my hair. 

1-/

Next, deal with the letter. As intriguing as it was, I really wanted the chance to actually train at this dojo and I wasn't going to let anyone , especially not some creepy letter, get in my way of doing that. I tore it up into small pieces and flushed it down the toilet for good measure. 

"There," I said, smiling as I walked back down the hall to the bedroom from the fresher, wiping my hands together. I shivered dramatically. Creepy. I'm glad that's taken care of. My reaction wasn't excessive, I assured myself. It was necessary. 

2)-/ 

3) Ben. 

Oh Ben. That poor hero-complex abs for days self-deceived dark sider. I shook my head. Well, number three will just have to wait. 

I scribbled down a plan: 'Act professional and train like any other master-padawan relationship. Ben has to grow up and learn to respect me. I can do this. Just don't kiss him or let him try to run away with me again. Easy :)'

I dropped the pen and notebook on the bed and stood up again to go over to the kitchen. 

"Alright," I muttered, looking around to see if anything looked good enough to eat. Ben's lips had looked... no, stop it Rey, I mentally shook myself. 

Good! There's fresh chicken breasts in the fridge and stuff for salads. And a whole chocolate cake ! Yesss. 

I sat before the TV with my baked chicken, salad and cake and flipped on the Foodie's channel. 'Crushed' was on. Yes. 

An hour later 1/3 of the cake was gone, it was a small cake, ok reader? Don't judge. And the salad and chicken were long gone- see? Everyone knows that the calories even out between healthy food and junk food. Don't at me. 

I stood, feeling the effects of the sugar. I wish I could go work out. I dressed in some black yoga pants and a graphic black short loose-fitting tank top, black sports bra, and black sneakers and grabbed a bottle of water and key and snuck out. I closed the door as quietly as I could and made a run for the fire escape stairs positioned on the far side down the hall. I ran the other way around so I wouldn't have to walk past Ben's room to make my escape.

It was only about 6:30 PM according the clock in the dojo lobby by the time I got down there. I felt pumped. 

" Good evening," a woman greeted me at the front desk. 

" Hi! How are you?" I asked, smiling at her. De smiled. 

" I'm fine thank you. Slide your card, it's the same one as your room key, when you're ready." 

" Okay," I shrugged, sliding my key through. The doors to the training room beep and opened, triggered by the key. 

" Thanks." I waved. She nodded. 

Inside, it was bustling with people swimming, weight lifting. There were a few classes going on, mostly after school classes, full of pre-teens and teens excited about learning to use the force and proper technique and footwork. I smiled as I remembered my parent's dojo. It felt great to get back to training. 

I explored my way through the maze of mats and equipment until I found the pool. I watched from the bleachers at the people swimming laps for couple minutes, before getting up again to walk back over to the weight lifting and treadmill area. There must've been at least 100 different types of equipment, and 100 bikes to use and just as many treadmills and elliptical machines. 

I worked out for a few hours. I ran 5 miles at a steep incline, I accomplished several pull-ups, reps on the weights, and attended a 45 minute intensive spin class that just happened to be scheduled during the time I was there. 

I felt rejuvenated and out of breath when I walked back up the 30 floors from the dojo back to my room. That had been an awesome workout. 

As I keyed into my apartment I felt Ben standing in front of his door watching me. I turned to face him. He was smirking again. 

" What?" I snapped.  
He feighed innocence. " Nothing. Let's start training tomorrow morning at 5:00 AM."

I nodded, feeling confident. " Yes, Master Organa," I smiled at him politely, disappearing behind the door, closing it with a click. 

I locked it behind me; my heart was beating wildly in my chest. Ugh. What is it about this guy that gets me so wound up? 

I felt a little more centered after a cold shower. I got back into my PJs, cleaned up the dishes and cake from dinner, set the timer on an alarm clock I found in my bedside. 4:00 so that I could be all ready by 5 AM- I double checked my alarm to make sure I'd set it to the correct time.  
I turned off my lights, staring at the dark ceiling as I wondered about how training was going to go in the morning.

\-----

The next morning I awoke at 4 feeling a little sleepy but well-rested. I shut off the alarm and groaned. Today was going to be tough, if yesterday was any indication. 

I stretched out my muscles, enjoying their soreness from my work out the night before. Force I've missed that feeling. 

I stood up and threw my blankets together so the bed looked somewhat made and walked to the fresher with my uniform, it wasn't dirty, I'd worn it only a couple of hours the day before, and fixed my makeup, just a little concealer and mascara, setting spray and highlighter. I brushed out my hair as I admired the finished product. I liked my makeup to look natural and glowy, and considering how much I was going to sweat today, I didn't want to waste a full face. 

I decided to tie my hair back on top with a black hair tie. I stepped back, pulling the uniform in places. I nodded, satisfied, and walked to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and a bagel. I ate it in the soft early morning light at the table on the terrace. There were green plants potted 3/4 of the way surrounding the table. This was quickly becoming one of my favorite features of these apartments. I love nature and life. 

I checked my mental defenses; this morning it was a little harder to find my anger because i was feeling content at the moment. But all I had to do was think about Ben, and the small shred in my defenses covered over to fill the gap into the uniform shield I'd worked hard to build in the last couple of days. 

I checked the clock on the microwave. 4:58. I caught my reflection in the glass. I power-posed, which always felt a little silly but my Mom had always assured me that it helped, so I did it every morning. I got this. 

Ben was just leaving his room when I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. It clicked. I'm glad it locks automatically from the outside, it's one less thing to worry about. 

" Good morning Master Organa," I called cheerfully, bowing my head towards him. Good, very professional. I can do this. 

He nodded in return;" Good morning miss Rey," he replied politely. He started walking towards the elevator, I followed closely by his side. 

Inside the elevator he pressed the dojo lobby button . And stood back. Looking at the doors, his arms crossed behind him, he spoke, calmly giving an outline of the day; " First, Rey, we will test your agility and strength. Next, we will practice meditation. And then we will spar. Dark sider footwork is slightly different from light sider," he gazed over at me; I nodded; he continued, " So, we will spend the larger portion of the day working on classical technique and maybe if there's time, we'll practice lifting different materials to practice your mental strength." 

" Yes sir," I replied politely, confidently. I copied his position, folding my hands behind my back. I will not show weakness. I will show strength and resilience and tenacity. 

He nodded, watching me now. He studied my confidence in the force. " Good." He nodded again. 

Just then the doors opened. To my surprise we went through a different door labeled exclusively for masters to the left side of the check-in desk. 

He used his key to let us both in. 

I smiled at the lady, " Good morning De."  
"Good morning miss Rey," the young woman replied, smiling warmly at me as Ben and I passed. 

"Why aren't we using the larger-"  
He interrupted, standing in the doorway to the master's dojo, holding the door open for me, stating, " The main dojo is for padawan use and youth classes only," 

" Yes, sir," I replied, stepping in front of him to move through the doorway. 

The door clicked closed behind us.  
Inside was a large gym, with rich wood flooring and a vault ceiling made of black wood, and a large window that took up one side of the rectangular room. 

The walls were floor to ceiling mirrors. Bright lights illuminated the room as Ben turned on the lights behind me. 

"Come ," he commanded, opening up a second door next to the entrance that I hadn't noticed before. The door was made of dark wood that matched the ceiling. He saw me surveying the first training room, and explained, " This room is for group fighting. Mats will be laid down when planned sparring sessions are set up so that padawans may exhibit themselves."  
I nodded, and smiled politely at him as I walked through the opened door. 

Past the second door was a long wood-floored hallway. The ceiling was low compared the high vaulted ceiling in the first room. On the right side was a long floor to ceiling window made of thick reinforced glass broken up every ten feet by dark wood panels. The ceiling was matching dark wood. The floor lighter warm red wood. The window extended all the way down the hall. 

I made myself look away, maker I hate heights. I tried to focus on the black training doors labeled with the different names of the dark sider masters. The walls around the doors were white. We walked on in silence. I stood on the inside towards the doors.  
Wait, I can use this. I used my fear to fuel me to reinforce my defenses still. I couldn't afford any more slip ups, or to allow my shield to even become thin in places. Not with all these masters around, and a master right here by my side who watched my every move and emotion. 

I realized that the masters training rooms extended completely around the main dojo center. At the end of the third hallway, I could see that there was a door leading back to the group training room I'd seen earlier. Ben Organa's name appeared on a sterling silver plaque on one of the doors near the end of the hallway. 

" Here we are then," Ben informed me, drawing out his key from his back pocket to slide it into the lock. The door clicked and opened smoothly as he pushed it open. 

Inside there a large room identical to the group training room, only there was a large black training pad laid down smack dab in the middle of the wood floor, with a large red filled in circle in the center of it. In one corner of the room, by the window, all manner of training equipment was neatly set up. 

In the back, against a wall painted white, were wooden stands filled with weapons: Knives of different sizes, nunchucks, practice sabers, staffs of different lengths, and spears, and other weapons I didn't know the exact names for but couldn't wait to find out how to use. 

" Are you ready?" He asked. He was standing beside the mat barefoot, stretching, watching me as I looked around. 

I nodded and walked over to join him on the mat, kicking off my shoes over to the side. I bowed at the waist before him, and sat down, gazing at him expectantly. 

He bowed in turn, " Good, padawan Rey, let us begin."

\-----

That night I received another note. This time it was also sent anonymously. It read, 

"You did well today young Rey. Your power in the dark side grows with each passing day. Keep yourself safe. 

Soon you will be ready, 

Sincerely,  
Prachanda "

Ben finally got me a new phone, identical to the one I'd had before. I logged in and spent an hour consoling my parents. They were worried sick when I didn't respond or give updates for so long. 

Sitting back on some propped up pillows, alone, I ripped up the note and set the pieces on my duvet, and googled the word. 

I was expecting a master in the force to pop up. Instead, news feeds discussing a communist leader of a Nepali rebellion showed up on my screen. The leader called himself 'Prachanda' because it means 'Fierce One' in Nepali. I searched deeper and found out that some people also called him 'yang la' which means candle in Tibetan. 

I scratched my chin, resting it heavily in my hand. This is so weird. Either I was being sent notes from a Nepali communist rebellion leader, or, more likely, hopefully, this was a pseudonym a force user was using to symbolize his or her shedding light on the force, or sparking a rebellion? What did this have to do with me? Didn't I have a say in my involvement in any of this?

I flushed the pieces again. I wasn't about to take any chances. I felt frustrated and scared and wound up. Unsure of what else to do, I stomped over to the kitchen. Screw everything, I thought as I grabbed a fork and plopped down in front of the TV, using one hand to flip on the Foodie channel and the other hand to grab a forkful. Screw my diet. Screw life. I need cake. 


	6. Hunted

After all the excitement of those first couple of days, my training schedule with Ben fell into a comfortable routine of solo workouts and force lessons. The notes continued to arrive on my bed so routinely to the point where I would've been startled if one day they stopped coming. 

Then one day, three weeks after I arrived, the notes did stop and by then it was too late for me to leave. The morning after I didn't receive a note, the leader Leia Organa was shot. That's when I learned that I was still being strictly monitored, under surveillance by members of the Resistance. Months later I would learn that the notes I received were a tool used by the Resistance to gain the trust of people they suspected to be Grey. My desire to train instead of to escape with the help of a fringe organization saved my life. If I had responded and gone to meet them I would have been shot immediately, following my arrest.

_______________

 

The day Leia Organa was shot by the Order, my day started like any other day at the dojo. I woke up to my alarm at 4AM, and left my apartment at 5 with Ben so that we could train together on the master's floor. 

Ben was in the middle of testing me on my mock-saber skills and footwork when, as our sabers clashed, it was as if the whole little world we had worked hard to create for ourselves imploded. 

At that exact moment, Ben's phone went off, and a large boom echoed across the city from the direction of the capital building, rattling the entire dojo. Ben and I broke away from our fight, extinguished our sabers and dropped to the mat flat on our stomachs, our hands covering the backs of our heads like we learned to do in case of an earthquake or Order bombing attack. 

The ground beneath us settled and that's when the sirens went off. A cacophony of sound could be heard as the dojo's fire alarm went off, ambulances and police cars sounded off as they drove past the building heading in the direction of the capital building. 

Ben and I ran to the window. Debris, smoke and fire lit up the sky, littering the streets below even though the capital building was clear across town next to the courthouse. 

"My gods," I breathed, my eyes widening in shock. I gasped, covering my hand over my mouth.  
" The capital building," Ben rasped, staring at the smoke in disbelief, " It's - it's gone." 

We both ran back to grab our phones from our bags. News feeds were screaming, " Beloved leader Leia Organa shot at 6:32 this morning. Pronounced dead at the scene. Followed by mass bombing of the capital building; Order taking credit for the attack. Survivor numbers still processing, hundreds supposed dead. Stay tuned for future updates." 

" Mother," Ben gasped, dropping to the ground on his knees, his head bowed, his phone clutched to his heart. 

I ran to sit by him, touching his arm lightly," Leia Organa was your mother?" I asked. He nodded, looking up at me. " I'm sorry I didn't tell you-" 

"Ben, don't," I whispered interrupting him. I rubbed his arm trying to comfort him. 

" I just tried to reach out to her through the force. She has moved on to become one with the force," he whispered, his head still bowed. " I must go to her," he said suddenly. He stood up, and ran to grab his shoes from where they were set against the wall at the start of the session. 

" I'll come with you," I called, standing up to grab my own shoes. He nodded, reaching for my hand. 

I didn't hesitate, and clung to his hand as we moved open the door to get on the nearest elevator that could take us to the parking lot. 

We were in a hurry and almost ran into the man in black standing in the doorway of Master Ben's room, blocking our path. 

" Master Ben" the man spoke in a dark baritone. Ben bowed his head. He then turned to acknowledge me, " Miss Rey, I need you to come with me, please." 

I stared at him, but bowed my head, " Yes sir."  
"May I please ask where you are taking my padawan sir?" Ben asked politely, still holding my hand in his. 

" She is under arrest. Miss Rey is to be taken in for questioning because of her parents' connections with the Order; by connection, her connections to her parents, their connections with the Order, make Rey and her family key suspects for the crimes against the capital." 

The tall man read me my rights as he bound my hands behind my back in force- proof cuffs. They were tight, and pinched the skin in places on my wrists. I wriggled them behind me, trying to relieve the sensation. 

" Sir," Ben stated, " She has an airtight alliby; she has been with me and under my supervision or in her apartment. I am willing to give my testimony." 

" Very well," the man said gruffly. " You may come as well." 

Ben nodded, and walked with us as the policeman led me down the hall. " But what about your mother?" I asked, my voice tiny, looking over to stare at Ben. He touched my shoulder lightly as we walked; " We will go to my family's estate after to handle the affairs- This won't take long," he spoke softly, trying to comfort me. I weakly nodded, and started walking again. I froze after a couple steps, but the man gently nudged me forward to keep walking. I turned towards him, " My parents?" 

The man's face darkened. He didn't meet my eyes as he explained, " Your parents have been hung for their crimes against the Resistance and against the government. Evidence has been found that proves your parents had direct ties to the attack that took place this morning."

My feet gave out under me. My breath caught. My vision was foggy. No, no, no this cannot be - they couldn't be - not my parents. But it must be true then. And now they were... I couldn't feel anything. 

" Grab her," I heard Ben yell as I felt my body give out and slide towards the hardwood floor.


	7. Chapter 7

My whole life changed when my parents were shot by the Resistance. The question remained: do I let this moment and knowledge that my parents helped to kill the country's leader and blow up the capital building define me for the rest of my life? I believe that a strong person, dear reader, chooses to control their reaction to their current situation, and in doing so, they can then find a solution that benefits them and the people they care about. 

I must've been out for a while. I woke up handcuffed to a metal table, seated in a small wooden chair, in a bright bare square room with a concrete floor, mirrors on all four walls, and a white ceiling covered in lights. 

I startled awake, my heart pounding in my chest. The sound seemed to be amplified by the room, but maybe it was just in my head. 

I gazed around the room, taking in everything. I couldn't focus clearly. I'd probably been drugged. I felt eerily calm, fuzzy headed, and I had a horrible taste in my mouth, probably from the adrenaline and whatever they were using to sedate me. I felt an urge to flee but couldn't because I was held in place by the cuffs. I sat up straight in my chair, feeling stiff from the lack of support. My back and neck ached. 

"Hello?" I called. I cringed as the sound reverberated around the room. It had seemed incredible loud as it echoed back. I could see my breath as I asked if anyone was there. It was freezing in here. 

What is this place? 

A computer beeped, and the recording of a woman's voice responded to my unsaid question; " Welcome to Interrogation chamber 823-5. Room 23C, Miss Rey. Do not speak out loud, it will only hurt your hearing. Your thoughts are being chemically enhanced so that we can hear and process them. Questions have been pre-recorded, and every conscious thought will be typed and recorded. This program does not record mental pictures, just conscious thoughts, but know that force-sensitive people are watching on the other side of this mirror so please answer truthfully. Now let us begin-"

I looked around, studying the mirrors. I tried to check my defenses; they were gone. Or at least, I could not feel them. I had nothing to hide behind. But I could control my conscious thoughts, at least. After all, I had nothing to hide, in this case. I breathed deeply, trying to calm my breathing. 

"Question one," the computer voice continued, undisturbed by my train of thought, "Did you have any knowledge that your parents were connected with and actively participated in the dealings of the Order?" 

I sat back in my chair. I shook my head. No, I had had absolutely no idea. I- I thought about how they were dead now. I still felt numb to the idea, I couldn't entirely comprehend that they were - had become one with the force. All my life , they had only told me of their love for their country, for their government, and of their love for each other and the force. I was dumbfounded and-

A rounded soft double beep sounded. " Question2: Are you affiliated with the Order?" 

I paused and thought about the notes I'd received. I felt proud of myself for never responding to any of the letters I received in my room from the Order to join them. I had only ever wanted to train and had actively fought for my right to learn the force under my parents and then under Master Ben Organa. I froze, unsure of what would happen now that I'd thought about the notes, but to my surprise, nothing happened. I felt so confused, but there it was. The double beep again, and there were no follow-up questions on the subject. I tilted my head, looking at the mirrored walls questioningly. Why didn't they-

I was again cut off from my train of thought as the computer asked another question: " Are you Grey?" 

I responded with thinking,'No,' but I couldn't help but think back on my life. I'd trained hard to learn the light side of the force. I'd prided myself on my abilities, and then I'd switched to dark sider at the Transition, and I'd been actively training in the dark side since. My force ability was absolutely only dark side now. I was proud of the fact. 

To my relief, there was a final double beep and the doors buzzed open as the temperature in the room increased, warming, and the lights dimmed. 

The same man who'd arrested me at the dojo walked in and silently unlocked my cuffs from the table, tying my hands behind my back. He held my arm as he led me through a maze of bright hallways past several other interrogation rooms until we reached a set of double white doors. My breath hitched. I froze. I had no idea what could be on the other side. 

To my continuing relief, he held the door open for me and inside was a set of warmly lit bustling office cubicles and news room looking offices filled with well dressed businessmen and women processing information from the interrogation rooms and other government paperwork. He walked me down the center row and out a wooden door with a window built into it, into a welcoming waiting room. There was a pristine white desk; behind it a well-dressed male secretary was taking notes and calls. There was a large window overlooking the city. The walls were painted a pretty pale yellow; blue abstract framed prints lined the walls. There were dark grey waiting chairs and dark wood tables with fake potted plants on them. I still felt numb from the drugs. He unlocked my cuffs and pocketed them. " Please have a seat, Miss Rey, your master in the force, Master Organa, will be with you shorty." 

" Thank you Mr-"  
" Dr. Poe Dameron, ma'am," he shook my hand," I am one of the head engineers and investigators here at the Capital's courthouse, miss Rey." 

" Nice to meet you, Dr. Dameron," I smiled up at him. 

He nodded, and walked back out of the waiting room back to the interrogation chambers I supposed. 

I sat down in one of the cloth-backed chairs and hung my head in my hands. Now that the drugs were wearing off, the numbness was replaced by an a wave of stomach-churning grief and fatigue. I felt too tired to cry. I felt in denial still that my parents were gone. And for Ben's mother, even though she was a monster in my opinion for killing so many innocent people, I shared in my master/friend's grief. I checked my defenses. I don't think they were ever completely gone. I think I was just numb to them. I had had no way to tell if they existed in that room or if they were just thinner or what. They were as well-built as they ever were now, though. Good, I sighed, at least I have that back under control. 

" Rey?" I heard a man's voice call.  
I raised my head from my hands and stared up at Ben. " Ben!" I broke from my daze, and flung myself into his arms, a relieved smile on my face. I hugged my arms around his neck and kissed him all over his stupid face. 

I leaned back and studied his expression. He looked relieved that we were together again, that the interrogations had gone well. " I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered, pressing his lips softly to my own. I leaned into the kiss, reciprocating. I pulled him closer and French kissed him passionately. He moaned softly, drawing my body closer to his.

"Sir? Ma'am?" We heard the secretary call. We broke away. I felt a blush flush across my cheeks as we turned towards the waving secretary. " Here are your things. Please sign these forms and you can both be on your way." 

We shared a glance of relief and walked over to sign the release papers and grab our things.  
" Thank you for participating in our interrogations. Your information is helpful in our investigation to catch the people responsible for the attack on our capital." 

" Yes sir," Ben replied politely, and we handed over the documents and stepped into an empty dimly lit standard elevator to take us to the garage. 

" Did you drive us here?" I asked, gazing up at Ben. Ben hadn't taken his hand off me; he'd intertwined my hand in his and not let go since we were reunited in the waiting room. 

" No, but I had Derek bring the car over to pick us up. He's meeting us on the first level in the parking garage." 

I gave him a look. He chuckled, " Rey, don't worry-"  
" Good," I replied, signing in relief, " I really don't think I could handle any more excitement today," 

He hugged me to him, kissing the top of my head, " I know Rey. I feel the same way," he whispered. 

Derek waved at us as we left the elevator. He was in another dark suit, standing with the passenger door open waiting for us beside the car. 

" Thank you Derek," I smiled at him as I climbed into the car.  
" My pleasure miss Rey," he replied, smiling politely. He closed the door after me, and walked to the other side to get the door for Ben before climbing into the driver's seat and revving the engine.  
" Everyone settled?" He asked before pulling the car into the line-up to pay for parking.  
" Yes Derek, thank you for picking us up. You were right on time," Ben complimented his long time friend and driver. 

Derek smiled warmly and pulled us out of the parking garage. 

I didn't allow myself to relax until we were back out on the main road. When we turned in the opposite direction from the dojo, I sat up straight and asked, a little more sharply than I'd wanted to sound , " Where are we going, Ben?"  
I glared at him. 

Ben shook his head, studying my face as he replied calmly , " We are going to my mother's estate."  
" Oh," I replied, and leaned my head back on Ben's shoulder. Thank the force. I'd almost forgotten we would be headed there next after the interrogations. 

Ben continued, " My mother," he smirked, " was a very- organized woman. May she find peace in the force. All her affairs were taken care of in her updated will. Her funeral will take place at 3:30 PM today. Nothing fancy, she wanted to be cremated, and then a small service at her grave sight 20 miles from our estate. And then a small dinner afterwards. You do not need to change. You're already wearing black after all. It is a relaxed dress code." 

His mother ... I thought about her but felt too upset about my own parents to really have the energy past sympathizing for Ben. 

My parents. I closed my eyes, and wished that I could sleep to find some escape before we arrived at Ben's mother's house. A tear trailed down my cheek. 

Ben wiped it away and bent down to kiss my forehead before leaning his head on mine. We sat there quietly comforting and holding each other. He understood. The social rules were the same as they were for Transition events, sadly. I was not allowed to ever mention them again after learning that they were marked as terrorists by the government. There would be no funeral. Maybe I could talk about them later with Ben when we were alone. But there would be no ceremony, no family event. It wasn't done. I could, again, be arrested if I, or my extended family and friends, were seen sympathizing for terrorists. 

I was not able to sleep, but I kept my eyes closed the rest of the ride, finding comfort in Ben's arms as we drove towards the estate for the funeral.

________

We were about twenty minutes from his mother's estate when he got a call from the coordinator. That had been a fire. One of the workers had been affiliated with the Order and blown himself up inside the house . Luckily, no one else was killed. Two were seriously injured, but their injuries are stabilized thank the force. The whole crew working on the house at the time had been in on it, apparently, and everyone else was outside in the yard or at home. 

By the time we arrived, there was nothing but fire trucks spraying water on a pile of rubble and ash, and police cars with officers taking numbers and names and taking people in for questioning. 

Ben didn't really seem bothered by it, I noticed. I'd ask him about it later. He seemed more focused on speaking with the coordinator to change the location of the funeral dinner after the ceremony. His expression was unreadable as he dialed number after number talking with different people to make sure everything ran smoothly. Finally he turned to me, we'd observed the result of the fire from inside the car, and informed me," So, here's the plan. The funeral is going to take place as scheduled at the cemetery, and then there will be a car procession back into the city to Mom's favorite hotel the 'Yangla.'"

I stared at him.  
" What?" He asked, his eyes widening as he took in my shocked expression.  
I recovered, and smiled, shrugging, "I just - I've heard it's amazing." 

He nodded, smirking. He replied, " Yes, its very nice." 

I sat back in my seat and stared out the window as Derek pulled out of the driveway of the ruined house past the fire trucks and police and back out into the highway. I was still leaning on Ben's shoulder. 

My brows furrowed. Could it be a coincidence? 

" Yangla means candle right?" I asked, looking back in his direction to study his reaction. 

His eyebrows raised. He nodded, smiling," I'm impressed Rey! I didn't know you knew any Tibetan." 

" Just a little," I muttered, biting my lip. I looked away and watched as trees and houses and buildings zipped by. I checked to make sure there were no holes in my defenses. I had this strong feeling that there was another part to the Order's attack, and that somehow it was going to involve the hotel 'Yangla.'


End file.
